Continuation of The Controlling Spirit in the Pray Portions by Sylvia Gunter.
"11. He will have outburst of rage that are deadly.
Saul is known in the Bible as the spear-thrower (18:11, 19:10). This anger was reserved for those closest to him in his household. This is the first of numerous times that Saul attacks David and tries to kill him. Sauls speak words of failure and condemnation to those closest to him. Sauls are particularly attracted to the psalmist, because the music of worship soothes their spirits, and at the same time they are afraid of the Lord in the psalmist, afraid of his or her success, and afraid of how other people love them (18:12, 15, 16). Sauls will strongly desire to take out those whom he perceives to be a threat to his position or his kingdom. When that did not work, Saul sent David away. That reveals the other of the tactics of Saul: the silent treatment, cold shoulder, withdrawal, or putting up walls.
- He cannot be trusted.
Saul was a liar, deceiver, and manipulator. He had no integrity and did not keep promises. He could not be trusted. Saul promised his oldest daughter to David, but his real intent was for the Philistines to kill him (18:17-19). But when the time came for the marriage, Saul gave her to someone else. Then he promised his second daughter to David to become a snare to him. He made the dowry 100 foreskins of the Philistines, again intending to get rid of him (18:20-27). He had his servants lie to David in sending him the message that he delighted in David and wanted him to marry his daughter (18:22). Sauls send double messages. They may pretend to love you, but they are really plotting to eliminate you. Sauls do not keep promises even to their own families. He promised Jonathan that he would not put David to death, but he again tried to pin David to a wall with a spear (19:4-10). This illustrates the double messages. It causes you to question your own sanity or theirs.
- He is paranoid.
The fear factor was so great that Saul was capable of murder. Jonathan acknowledged this when he said, “my father is looking for you to kill you (19:2).” Yet Saul calls David his enemy (18:29, 19:7). Saul was the enemy of God’s anointed, but he really believed that God’s anointed was his enemy. This leads to territorial preservation. Saul will always conspire to neutralize or take out the one he considers to be a threat. Every day Saul searched for David to kill him, but God did not give David into his hands (23:14).
- There is uproar and confusion around him.
Everyone around Saul walks on eggshells. You cannot be sure where he stands or what kind of mood he might be in. David hid in a field while Jonathan went home to check out Saul’s mood (20:5). Sauls have to keep things stirred up. They play the game of uproar. They don’t have peace (14:52). They are never satisfied, and there is no way to please them (16:14).
- He demands total loyalty, even when he is wrong.
Saul was upset and angry that his son loved David (20:30). He demanded Jonathan’s total loyalty. He saw it as disloyalty that Jonathan was a friend of David’s. Sauls are very possessive and don’t want you to have other close friends. They take any confrontation or disagreement as disloyalty. They have the “all or not” thinking of a dysfunctional family. They see everybody as all for me or all against me. They react to honest differences of opinion with anger or the silent treatment. They will not like you if you disagree with them. As they force people to choose sides, this causes division and disunity (20:30, 22:17). He could not let Jonathan love both him and David (29:30-31). Although Saul demanded total loyalty, he betrayed both David and Jonathan and even God by his disobedience. One evidence of this is found in 1 Samuel 22:18-21, as Saul kills 85 priests of the Lord, all anointed men of God. Sauls dare to attack and destroy men of God."
My Thoughts: I hope that anyone that reads this will realize that I am not looking for sympathy. I am simply writing down what thoughts I have about the struggles I used to have or maybe currently face. I have come to realize that there is freedom in admitting my faults and holding myself accountable for my sins. Writing things down helps me think clearly but also in a way meditate on the Bible in a way that I can't do by just thinking. My mind gets easily distracted with two youngs kids around. So I often type these thing during naps or after the kids go to bed and post it later. I don't want people think I am neglecting my duties.
I grew up in a home where anger outbursts were common, the silent treatment used and words were used to put down each other. While maybe it was not as frequent as I remember, I do want to stress how much of an impact it had on my upbringing. You can have very little outbursts or frequent ones and they will both affect your children. I remember one time in particular that I remember my mom and dad fighting and she yelled at dad she was leaving him. I went upstairs and hid and covered my ears scared from the yelling that was happening. I'll never forget it.
Why do I tell you this? Because our children are listening to us even when we forget they are there. The way we treat each other as husband and wife will one day be the same way our children will treat others. As a child, I never liked conflict and would never take sides when a division would occur. I simply just wanted to be neutral or indifferent to any conflict that was occurring. I only remember yelling at my mom one time growing up. She should have spanked me hard for doing that but she didn't. It wasn't until after I got married that those seeds sprouted under conflict and patterns learned or observed as a child were now being repeated in my own marriage. It was hard for me to communicate during times of disagreement and when I did I felt like I was pulling my own arm off to admit my own fault, if I even did admit them. I would feel like that little girl running from something I didn't understand. I'm so glad God brought me to a good church where I have grown. Though I am not perfect, I have changed.
I have always admired families that have taught their children well. Taught them to cook, clean, sew, how to treat a future husband, discuss how men think and my role as a wife someday. I feel like I have learned so much these last few years about life that I hope someday I can pass that on to my children.
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